How to set boundaries that work for you to feel calm, confident and connected
Have you ever responded quickly to someone and then wished you had taken a pause before you responded? I think we all have. It’s so easy to get triggered by what somewhat said or did? Many people are so on edge themselves they don’t think about how their words or actions might hurt.
How, can you stay calm and confident in relationships speaking your truth? I know what you are thinking. it’s not so easy. Not all boundaries in your life are safe or maybe you aren’t feeling safe as you don’t have a boundary or your boundary is very porous.. Boundaries are individual and different depending on the situation and the relationship. Boundaries can change.
In the book Setting Boundaries that Stick: How Neurobiology Can Help You Rewire Your Brain to Feel Safe, Connected and Empowered Juliane Taylor Shore LMFT, LPC SEP, says creating integrated brain states is how to create new neuro pathways in your brain for healthy boundaries. Getting out of the fight, flight, and freeze, lower reptilian brain, and into your thinking, integrated brain is what makes a new path, a new neuro pathway.
You can create boundaries that work for you by starting to set them from the inside so they work from an integrated brain state where your intuition and inner knowing then guides you to what to say and do in the outside world. Of course you may have to look at your triggers and emotions seeing what is holding you back. Then it’s easy to have the partnership of respect and compassion for yourself and the other person as you talk with them,
At times you may be afraid to share what you need for fear of hurting the other person or being rejected but that isn’t helpful to you or the other person. When you come from the inside with a desire to communicate your boundaries with others in a way that feels truthful and with integrity, you’ll feel more confident and home for yourself.. Listening to the other person, as hard as it is, is important. Just listening allows the other person to have their feelings. Remembering it isn’t about you. If there is some truth take that in and let the rest go The more you come from you inner guidance with clear boundaries it is easier to listen and let go of what is not “yours”. The more you create those new neuro pathways , the more comfortable and confident you’ll feel setting boundaries in the future.
I love the saying “neuro pathways that are wired together fire together”. In her book Shore gives practical ways to create new neuro pathways giving the reader the ability to respond, not react and to feel confident and connected when setting boundaries. She gives many helpful strategies to look into your own emotions. You won’t have to allow other’s emotions into your space. that disturb your inner peace. Setting boundaries keeps you connected to yourself and to connected in a healthy way to others.
If you want to find out more listen to Owning Our Sensitivity Podcast.
Finding your center of calm with your boundaries,
Bonnie